Maybe it’s the fast pace I push myself through, maybe it’s my lifestyle that requires constant stimulation, or the high-strung life of consulting for the last 8 years. I don’t know. But Thursday night was a breaking point. Over a bottle of Hennessy XO and Perrier, the music and crowd just seemed to fade out around me.
For the first time in a long while, I feel so burnt out. Truly, deeply exhausted. With my feet up on the couch, I wiped a bead of sweat off my brow. Leaning over to my friend, older brother, and mentor, the words seemed to come out with difficulty. “I’m ready.”
For someone who has been in my life for the last 15+ years, I’ve watched him mature with a marriage and children, as he has watched me establish myself in career and life. The consequence of being 15 years apart in age, I guess.
He knew what I meant, though the words exchanged between us are always short. Maybe, it’s enough. Maybe it’s time to settle down, and start something more meaningful than the endless wandering, traveling, friends, women.
I cropped my hair short again. Looking into the mirror, my youth is still undeniable. But behind my boyish looks, the wrinkles are creeping out at the corners of my eyes, and the strands of white hair are starting to look a bit too comfortable perched above my temple. I’m 26.
It seems just yesterday that I was the shy 5 year old kid that tagged along with the older guys. 21 years have really gone by fast…
And in this time, I’ve been blessed with wonderful friends to replace the ones who turned their backs on me. Continual success in my career in an area that I enjoy. A chance to see the world, again all over, and then some. Countless memories engraved into my heart, mind, and soul, both good and bad.
I’m ready, to settle. I think I understand how to, now. I’m prepared to open up my mind again, to soften the harsh outlook on relationships that developed over the years, jaded not only from my own experiences, but from those of my friends. Maybe all a woman needs from me is a chance, and it goes mutually both ways.
The Diary of a Convicted Ladies' Man 